That is the lesson I am having to learn through this mission
experience. She is my baby, my
last. I was a better mother to her than
to the other two just because I had learned by practicing on them. I shared all my best advice and wisdom with
her. There was a time when she
disregarded it all but that was then and this is now and I have let that go.
Now, I have to let her
go. I have to let go of my need to
supply her every need. She can buy her
own granola bars; she can find her own quotes.
I have to let her go so she can learn how to use those wings of hers that
have been kept gently folded in for so long.
I have to let her go so she can learn to turn to her Heavenly Father,
not me. She needs to be “let go” so she
can learn how to recognize, trust and rely on the Spirit. He will teach her things I cannot teach her as
she gives this time to Him. And she
will change as she sees others’ lives change because of this gift she is
sharing.
The days and weeks seem to go slow but when I look back and
realize how many months it has been since I hugged my girl, it’s gone amazingly
fast. Oh, how I long to hug my girl.
But I can’t. She is wrapped
in someone else’s arms now. One who
knows her, is watching over her and loves her more than I am capable of. She was His daughter first. His love is greater and deeper and more pure
than mine. I know this because I have
felt His love for me, another of His daughters.
I don’t count the days or weeks until she is home
again. My heart can’t go there. Besides, I feel that would be selfish on my
part. I don’t want to make this time go
by faster. I want Heavenly Father to take His time, the time necessary to
help her grow and learn and become who He wants her to be, who she is meant to
be. His plan for her is greater than
anything I could ever imagine. And it
can’t be rushed. I know this.
And so, I must let it go.
Let go of the worry and the need to connect and the frustration when I
don’t get pictures or a detailed email. This
is not about me.
I must let her go
knowing that someday, what will be returned will be of far greater value than
anything that can, or ever will, carry a price tag. And I will be right here waiting, patiently.
This is not my time anymore.
This is His time with her. And I
am letting go.
