That is the lesson I am having to learn through this mission experience. She is my baby, my last. I was a better mother to her than to the other two just because I had learned by practicing on them. I shared all my best advice and wisdom with her. There was a time when she disregarded it all but that was then and this is now and I have let that go.
Now, I have to let her go. I have to let go of my need to supply her every need. She can buy her own granola bars; she can find her own quotes. I have to let her go so she can learn how to use those wings of hers that have been kept gently folded in for so long. I have to let her go so she can learn to turn to her Heavenly Father, not me. She needs to be “let go” so she can learn how to recognize, trust and rely on the Spirit. He will teach her things I cannot teach her as she gives this time to Him. And she will change as she sees others’ lives change because of this gift she is sharing.
The days and weeks seem to go slow but when I look back and realize how many months it has been since I hugged my girl, it’s gone amazingly fast. Oh, how I long to hug my girl.
But I can’t. She is wrapped in someone else’s arms now. One who knows her, is watching over her and loves her more than I am capable of. She was His daughter first. His love is greater and deeper and more pure than mine. I know this because I have felt His love for me, another of His daughters.
I don’t count the days or weeks until she is home again. My heart can’t go there. Besides, I feel that would be selfish on my part. I don’t want to make this time go by faster. I want Heavenly Father to take His time, the time necessary to help her grow and learn and become who He wants her to be, who she is meant to be. His plan for her is greater than anything I could ever imagine. And it can’t be rushed. I know this.
And so, I must let it go. Let go of the worry and the need to connect and the frustration when I don’t get pictures or a detailed email. This is not about me.
I must let her go knowing that someday, what will be returned will be of far greater value than anything that can, or ever will, carry a price tag. And I will be right here waiting, patiently.
This is not my time anymore. This is His time with her. And I am letting go.